2022, a list

1. It has taken me a while to recognize that I am in the midst of a years-long cocooning project, one that began at a point much earlier than I initially recognized. Coming into this re-cognition has probably been one of the most important aspects of this emotionally brutal year.
2. It is wild how each consecutive year seems to be the most emotionally brutal yet.
3. Interviewing Grace Lavery about her memoir Please Miss at Greedy Reads
4. In Chincoteague I was attacked either by a phalanx of mosquitos in formation or a single dedicated practitioner of mosuito biting craftsmanship. I was bitten through my leggings. For most of my adult life, mosquitos have mostly left me alone. This year, they discovered me. What has changed? How have I changed?
5. Before the mosquito bites healed I began breaking out in stress hives, which is also a relatively recent experience. My first batch of stress hives, just a few years back, was mild and localized to my arms. This time they were everywhere, arms, legs, torso and I thought I was still getting mosquito bitten, perhaps by invisible mosquitos in my house? It was an unsightly way to begin the summer, my home season. Stress hives, brought on by then imminent travel to Oklahoma, which had just passed a new batch of abortion restrictions into law. A solo trip into territory I had solo visited once before, to Tulsa. A city that had hit me hard the last time. There is a new Tulsa essay burning inside me.
6. One of the things that made this year impossible is that writing became nearly impossible. I would hover over pages — pages with deadlines, pages that would pay our bills — and try to force words out and the words would not come. All I could come up with was a some variation of please goddess, why did you make me an artist. what even is art. i won’t compete with cartoon apes.
7. I am not a journalist. I am not a reporter. I am not a theorist. I am not an activist. The work I make is political, but I am not a politician. Sometimes I myself forget these things.
8. What I am is tired. This cocooning began with a recognition that I was not going to be able to keep up a certain pace much longer. It is clear now that my capacities are changing, have changed. Limits appear in surprising places (the words won’t come). I still have so much work to complete. If only I didn’t have to squander my most productive hours to benefit capital.
9. So much death. Christine, Sarah. Vivienne. Roe v. Wade.
10. Interviewing Mark Durant about Maya Deren: Choreographed for Camera, also at Greedy Reads
11. Reading Maya Deren: Choreographed for Camera in one sitting while in voir dire for a murder trial that, fortunately, I did not get seated on the jury for. The courtroom was visibly unkempt and needed a deep vacuuming, yet the judge acted like I was out of bounds for expressing concern about Covid transmission locked in jury chambers with a bunch of randos. I marinated in Maya Deren’s rage at the ways she was constantly underestimated and dismissed.
12. I quit my band and wrote my first new song in three years. New recordings coming in 2023.
13. After the stress hives cooled down I discovered that newly, poison ivy grows in my back yard, near where we keep our compost bin. When the stress hives began emerging I bought some Tecnu, concerned that poison ivy had been the culprit, so there was still plenty of that left. I remembered buying Tecnu back when I was still living with Asshole, who had gotten an especially bad case of poison ivy on her face in those waning days of our acquaintance. I felt bad for her, but I also privately enjoyed the schadenfreude of her sitting on the couch with her eye swollen shut. Was this sudden appearance of poison ivy karmic for me? Perhaps yes perhaps no; either way I took my lumps.
14. Poison ivy is pernicious. Kristen took it on herself to kill it, and to take care of the compost for the rest of the season.
15. The height of my hives, bites, and blisters coincided with the rumors of airborne monkey pox, so for a bit there I was concerned about that as well even the only potentially risky thing I did at the time was to fly to Tulsa for five days. I was, of course, unable to get a message to my doctor about it, so I sure am glad it all worked out.
16. We visited Southern Pines and Berkeley Springs and Asbury Park and Crown Heights and Governors Island as well as Albuquerque, Santa Fe, and Abiquiu.
17. Everything Everywhere All At Once. Hannah Ha Ha. Flux Gourmet. Adventures in Success. Out There Halloween Mega Tape.
18. I miss enjoying going to the movies.
19. Shilpa Ray. ADDIE. Death Valley Girls. Hurray for the Riff Raff. Nikki Lane. Bodega. Margo Price. Swamp Dogg. Weyes Blood. Neneh Cherry. Jen Cloher.
20. Outcalls. Landis Harry Larry. Infinity Knives. Moth Broth. BlkVapor. Ami Dang. Katrina Ford.
21. Supertramp. Low. Christine McVie. Joan Armatrading. Betty Davis. Detroit Cobras.
22. Nina Simone, “I Was Just a Stupid Dog To Them”
23. I have had artwork on display for most of this year in Reston and/or Arlington. I performed very few times this year — a Stoop Storytelling at Ottobar. Connor’s talk show at the Mercury. The acoustic songwriters showcase saying farewell to the Chop Shop. “Unboxing” at Queer Futures Past at Current. Doin’ It Doin’ It Duets at Metro. I miss the stage.
24. While I do plan to perform more in 2023, it’s hard to say how much more. I do already have a few things lined up, but most of my energy is going to be focused one set of shows, planned for the fall, which will be the most expensive shows I’ve produced yet. I don’t know how I’m going to afford this yet. I would really like to be able to livestream this one. How much will that cost.
25. I taught a college class for the first time, and now I’m going to do another one.
26. I counted ten different jobs that I am doing right now. I need to pare them down. I keep thinking of the “Hey Mon” In Living Color sketches. This is no way to live, and yet, this is the life of a mulli-hyphenate freelancer in America.
27. More than anything, I want 2023 to be the year in which I finally get the attention and resources I have been working for, and which I arguably deserve. I have a lot of work to do this year. I need change.
28. This list will continue tomorrow.

Thank you for reading, and for your support. I hope you have a happy new year!